Recently I found myself in a situation with one of my children that highlighted that they do not see me openly asking for help… often!
They were involved in an altercation that could have been mitigated had they reached out for the support of an adult. I didn’t need to fix anything for them, I didn’t need to intervene however I could have given a couple of options for them to choose from & employ to alleviate anything escalating, which it did…
Out of this one situation our family has learnt two vastly different lessons.
1. Me ~ I need to demonstrate more freely that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Most of my life I would say that I have been fiercely independent to my own detriment. For some reason, somewhere along my journey I got it in my head that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Yet, whenever an opportunity arises to help others, I have always been willing to lend a hand. The irony in this, right!
2. My Kids ~ Ask for help before things seem out of control or overwhelming. We don’t always have the answer or a clear perspective of a situation when we’re the one emotionally caught up in it. Seeking an outside opinion is often a good tool.
For me, I have been focused so much on trying to empower the kids to be independent & accountable for their own ‘things’ eg: personal belongings, school work (both effort & results), time schedule, etc with guidance, structure & constant offered support that I was blind to the fact that I was not demonstrating for them what it looked like.
I had not considered the fact that I was shown how to do all of this by my Mum. She would ask for help when she needed it, she would call a friend when she needed an outsiders opinion, she ran our house like a cleaning Major General with assigned cleaning duties for everyone in the house on the weekend!!. I became a product of my surroundings & have not been doing the same for my kids. Blindsided by my own stubborn independence my kids have also become a product of their surroundings…
To start, I need to be more comfortable at asking for help, meaning I need to accept that I can’t do everything or know everything about everything… So, I first lent on my family & close friends for support in areas that I know I lack knowledge. To date, I have been met with open arms & hearts to my requests (no matter how big or small).
From now on I will try to be more obvious with my requests & openly grateful for the support in & around our children, so they see that asking for help is the acceptable norm in our house. All of this playing out while I, we still help & support our family & friends when opportunity arises.
From now on I will try to be more obvious with my requests & openly grateful for the support in & around our children, so they see that asking for help is the acceptable norm in our house. All of this playing out while I, we still help & support our family & friends when opportunity arises.
The lesson I’m really hoping the kids to learn is that it takes strength & courage to acknowledge you need help & it shows compassion & empathy to give help.
So I ask you, when was the last time you asked for help? Comment below...
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